i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
