I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
