So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
