So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
