guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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