um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
