I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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