2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
