Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
