Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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