wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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