i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
