I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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