Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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