That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
