So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
