fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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