I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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