I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
