Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
