We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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