I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
