It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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