She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
