Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
