it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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