hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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