weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
