Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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