I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
