Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we're making bets on your personal life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
