haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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