my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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