I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
