friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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