My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
