Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
