so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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