in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
