Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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