i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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