she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
