I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
