I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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