The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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