she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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