She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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