I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
