you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
