I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
