using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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