if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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