it wasn't lemon gatorade
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
