not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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