Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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