College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
