I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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