Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
