So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
