She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
