WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
