The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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