Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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